This piece is a shout out to the wonderful highly sensitive men. About 20 percent of men have the gift of high sensitivity, which is the same percentage as women. In this interview, I talked to my dear friend Kurtis Hooley about his experiences as a sensitive in relationships, in life and in the corporate world.

Q: What does it mean for you to be sensitive?
A: Sensitivity means two things to me; first that I am open and can feel to how other people feel and how my interactions with them affect them. An example would be someone close to me is upset. I am sensitive to their feelings, and have empathy and sympathy for their feelings and try to act in a way that is supportive. Secondly that I am sensitive within myself, have developed and have active emotions. How people treat each other, how we are living in the world and treating Mother Earth, how others treat me, all resonates within my mind and awareness and emotions. I recognize through my emotions that I care about others and although not my responsibility to fix them, can feel for them. I also am impacted by external events and environments that are not in alignment with my beliefs. I feel discord at these times. I am aware of things others are not and in ways they are not.

Q: Give me an example of how you experience things differently because of your sensitivity.
A: With others--partner has a tough day and is upset. They may keep it inside, discuss or project outward. I can feel that they are not in their normal place and offer to listen, hear, be present and as requested give advice. This is different then most men who either don't recognize or have little patience with that. Also, if an external event (someone is angry with me, does something that I don't agree with, treats me without respect) occurs, I will feel the pain/sadness/fear of that situation and it will require me to take a step back and process internally. I do not typically either blow it off or fight back.

Q: What do you especially love about high sensitivity?
A: Being able to connect at a deeper level with people if they allow. When others know they can trust you and that you are sensitive, they tend to be more open and vulnerable and thus creating a deeper connection.

Q: Tell me a story about when you were happy and moved.
A: I was on a month-long solo camping adventure in May 2021. I had just come from a hot springs campground and was in Moab Utah, 40 miles from the nearest town. The sun was setting, a cool breeze was blowing and all around me was nature's beauty as far as I could see. It felt good in my heart and my mind was completely at ease. I danced with myself in the quiet of nature for a long time.

Q: Has the way you experience or feel about your high sensitivity changed as you get older?
A: Absolutely. As a young man and all the way through my 40s, I felt out of place, weird and uncomfortable being truly how I am. Now I am learning to accept that being sensitive is ok and that I do not have to be like any other person or adapt to society's norms of how a man is supposed to be or act.

Q: What is challenging for you about being this way?
A: Many people don't know how to deal with a man who is sensitive. Some push away, others try to take advantage and see it as a weakness. Some women say they want a sensitive man but when they get into a relationship with me, feel that I was weak or too emotional. Also, for me, trying to fit into a corporate model of dog eat dog or ignoring feelings and emotions, created internal tension and judgement, and still creates anxiety for me at times.

Q: Tell me more about being a highly sensitive man.
A: It can be very challenging in this world where there are so many thoughts and "rules" on how men are supposed to act. It is getting easier as more men are opening up and being available. It requires one to be in touch with what is important to them, how they want to show themselves to the world and are they willing to be who they are. Being a sensitive man, in my experience, is still seen as negative and labeled as being somewhat feminine. It does allow me to be in deeper relationships and feel that I am making a more meaningful impact in other people's lives. It has also opened up learning and knowledge that I really don’t believe would have come to me if I wasn't as sensitive as I am.

Q: Was there any pressure put on you to stop being this way?
A: Throughout my life, my parents tried to toughen me up by encouraging me to be tough. I conformed by getting muscular, playing football--trying to fit the model of the ideal boy/man. In my profession, be tough in meetings and argue points; terminate and reprimand staff without consideration to their personal position. Other men would tease me and give me a hard time for not looking at women as objects or in misogynistic ways and for taking things so personally.

Q: What do you do when you get overwhelmed?
A: I pause, try and take a step back and objectively look at the situation. If my mind won't stop ruminating, I do something out of the ordinary with my body to break the mind-body connection. Exercise to release some of the energy is another way. And quite honestly, sometimes I just let the energy flow in the form of tears. Lastly, try and talk to friends who know how I am and accept it to help clear some of the energy.

Q: Do you remember when you realized that you are this way?
A: I realized it about 15 years ago when I was first starting down the search for deeper meaning in life; other than money, material possessions and shallow conversations and friends.

Q: What would you say to a young man who is not sure how to live with high sensitivity?
A: I would say-- My friend, there is nothing wrong with you. Like everyone has different fingerprints, we all have different ways of looking and dealing with the world. You are going to feel more than most, you are going to see things differently and you are going to react uniquely. That is ok and very natural. Please, feel what you feel. Recognize not everyone is going to be sensitive so you allow for what they can deal with, and have compassion for the parts they are unable to experience. Being sensitive is a gift and find people in your life that appreciate your gift. Learn that you don't have to take anything personally as each person is in their own story, just as you are in yours.

What is it like to be an HSP working in the corporate world?
A: It is challenging but actually freeing. I am able to see the important things in an event, situation, person and with awareness propose solutions. I notice others stick to their opinions even when they know they are wrong because they are afraid of being sensitive to others' needs and opinions. It does sometimes lead to misunderstanding and judgement of my ability to make hard decisions (like firing people) and being able to confront others. When actually it is just the opposite--when making hard decisions, I am able to see the impact from all sides and determine the best approach. Confrontation is really just a discussion between two people with different viewpoints that has turned personal, aggressive and unproductive. Being HSP, allows for the discussion to be held at a higher level, without attachment to personal viewpoints.

Q: What are the strengths you bring as an HSP?
A: The strengths are that you can see situations more clearly as for what they are and not take them personally. Also, it provides the opportunity to work with all levels of personnel and consider the impact of decisions on not only the company but all the staff as well. It allows for a higher level of consciousness and I believe breeds a better work environment. Lastly, a balanced HSP connects with people on a personal level so relationships are developed on true connection not just for what you can do for me and vice versa.

Q: What are the challenges you experience?
A: My challenges are getting my peers (c-suite) to focus on more than how much money we can make and not caring about how they make it. Working with boards, executives and super results driven people does create conflict internally with me as through my knowledge, there is a better way. Also, many of my peers sometimes view me as soft or a push over due to the fact that I will not raise my voice or speak harshly. I am able to firmly stand my position, but some men want the "fighting" match and I won't go there so it frustrates them. I know that there is a better way to do business, in mindfulness and consciousness. It is challenging to get engaged with people/companies that are still of the old way of thinking.