With what’s happening in the world, we are being called to have more empathy towards each other. It is true that the world needs more empathy, but not from highly sensitive people (HSP). Before you read on, if you are not sure what an HSP is, or whether you are one, check out my blog that introduces the topic.
https://www.selftalklove.com/blog/2020/4/9/zmaojyi0zuvq9zl09x29j95ym5pyve

The thing about HSPs is that we already feel so much empathy. We are wired to process way more information that regular folks, and that includes other people’s feelings. In fact, research shows that we think about how others feel, and what they need, more than we think about ourselves

Our sense of empathy is on overdrive. If empathy is a muscle, we’re world champion bodybuilders. What we need as HSPs is the ability to practice more compassion.

What’s the difference between empathy and compassion? I’m glad you asked because they are very different. Here is the difference between empathy and compassion as I see it. Say that someone you know has fallen into a big dark hole. In a state of compassion, you love them and you are of service to them if you can. You are present. You can throw down a ladder and encourage them to climb up. You can drop down a care package with food, flashlight, blankets. You get what I’m saying. You remain solidly grounded in yourself and firmly within boundaries, while still loving them and acting compassionately.

In a state of empathy, we feel so bad for this person, we feel their suffering or pain. We think it’s our job to fix it, or save them. We jump down into the hole with them. Now there are two people stuck in this hole. That’s not helpful to the other person, and not helpful to ourselves either. You are no longer in the center of your own life. You are living out someone else’s life. If you have ever thrown yourself into someone else’s hole, you know that it’s really of no help ultimately. Plus it’s rather exhausting and confusing.

While I’m in this hole, while I’m in this other person’s life, who’s taking care of my life? Who’s keeping it on course? Imagine a boat captain stuck down in the galleys while the vessel has no one holding the helm. There’s no way to stay on course if you are not managing your own life.

Other people are way too much on an HSP’s radar. We need to put our own life front and center. It is from a grounded center that we can move into the world, and be of service to others. Think of it like a wheel. You are the center. And the spokes extend to where you put your love, attention, and energy. But you, my beautiful hyper empathetic HSP, remain firmly in the center.

My self-talk:

I love myself and my life.
I keep myself on my radar.
I am just as important and as precious as other people.
My life needs me to stay at the helm of it.
There are so many ways that I can be compassionate, and loving, and still stay in the center of my own life.
I am way more effective, and can make way more of a difference in this world, if I come from compassion instead of hyper empathy.

Sometimes HSPs can get lost in situations and forget that they are more important than whatever they are facing. If you'd like a reminder that you are more important than your problems, take some time with this free worksheet:
https://selftalklove.lpages.co/self-talk-love-i-am-more-important-than-my-problems-worksheet/

Thanks for reading.
With love,

Maryse