My daughter has been feeling quite anxious every night before bed. This time is very unsettling for her, despite our efforts to keep our home calm, happy and free of the outside news.
I’m helping her manage her self-talk, and restore calm to her little nervous system. You can do it with your child too – or with your own inner self. We all need some soothing, and positive and loving self-talk right now.
The first thing that I emphasize is that she is not the scared and anxious voice inside, she is the one who hears it, who listens to it. She is a witness to it.
The second thing is that we all have these voices inside and it’s perfectly natural. They are there to help us and keep us safe, and each in their own way, to love us.
Think of it as an orchestra. My daughter is the conductor, and the voices inside are the musicians. Some are playing their instruments really loud, while some others can barely be heard over the ruckus the noisy ones make. Perhaps an anxious voice is playing the drums at full volume, and the voice of calm is playing the triangle. You see how both voices are there, but you can only hear one?
So together, we have given a name to the scared and anxious voice. We call her Nanette. When my daughter feels certain strong sensations in her body, we know that Nanette is playing her drums way too loud. It’s a sign that Nanette is worked up, and needs some attention, love, and management.
My daughter acknowledges Nanette by telling her what she is feeling. She might say, I feel very stressed right now. Then she tells Nanette to tone down the volume. So if Nanette is playing 9/10, we tell her to play 3/10 so that we are not overwhelmed by her.
Then we tell Nanette that we love her.
After that, my daughter talks to herself about another topic. She invites another voice to speak to her. Now that the drum has stopped playing so loud, we can hear the triangle. She may tell herself about all the people who love her, or about a fabulous day at the beach, or the time we brought our puppy home.
We also do little breathing exercises to help her body relax.
We do this as many times as it takes. If Nanette starts playing too loud again, we ask her to tone it down, and we choose to listen to another voice. Just like you would choose what to watch on Netflix.
In these most abnormal of times, my daughter can learn skills that she will have her whole life. What a gift it is to know how to speak to yourself with love, and understanding.
I want my daughter to realize that she has some control over the voices inside her, and that we all have them. I also want her to know that she has the power to comfort herself, and to restore calm to her little system. And in closing, that she is loved beyond measure by us, by the universe, and by her own higher self.
My self-talk:
· I am so loved.
· I am safe.
· I can help myself feel more calm.
· I decide which inner voice I listen to.
· I am not my inner voices, I am the one who listens to them.
Thank you for reading.
With love,
Maryse