These times are triggering all kinds of inner voices in me. They are just showing up, popping up in my head, like uninvited guests at a dinner party. Last week was particularly intense.
Most of the time I am filled with gratitude that we are healthy, that we have a home and lots of food, that we have time together, that my community is active, strong and supportive, and even that I get to homeschool my daughter. I know we are very very lucky and blessed. And I am also so thankful for all those brave souls doing essential work like my cousin Cathy and my niece Chelsea who both work in healthcare in hospitals.
But last week, oh boy, I had all kinds of inner voices that showed up and they were insistent.
I had a voice who was really pissed off that I don’t have much time to dedicate to my own work and to my writing right now. It was also angry that I’m living more and more like what she calls pioneer woman: homeschooling, cooking, scrubbing toilets, gardening, caring for my family. I was even involved in a sewing project for school. What about me? What about me, this voice kept shouting.
When this voice gets worked up, another one shows up like its shadow. And that’s my voice who is afraid and tries to control everything. We are not safe. The world is really scary. What’s going to happen? Have we washed our hands enough?
I kept using my self-talk skills to tone down the volume on these two voices. The thing is, I know these two voices are trying to protect me and that they love me in their way. It’s just that they can’t be in charge. I need to be in charge of my own self-talk.
Think of it like you are hosting a dinner party. Imagine, you have gotten all dressed up, set a gorgeous table with fresh cut flowers, and have cooked a delicious meal. Your only guest, let’s call her Guest 1, is stressed out and critical. She spends the whole time trashing you, saying things like:
That’s what you are wearing?! That dress looks really tight.
You look tired.
The food isn’t great. That’s really the best you could do?
I don’t even have time for this. There is so much that I need to do.
You really messed it up.
How would you feel in the company of such a guest – especially if she was left to run the show? Maybe discouraged, upset, or anxious?
Now imagine that guest number 1 is still there, but you also invite another guest to the dinner. Guest 2 is positive, uplifting, and visibly happy to be there with you. She says things like:
This is delicious. What an effort you made.
I love what you are wearing. You look really beautiful.
This is fun. Thanks for taking the time to do this.
I’m really happy to be with you.
Don’t listen to Guest 1. You know how she gets.
What a difference it would make in the energy, and in how you felt, with Guest 2 right there with you. She’s got your back and she’s counterbalancing what Guest 1 says.
The thing to remember with self-talk is that this is your dinner party, this is your head. You are the hostess. You get to decide who sits at the table close to you and who you listen to. Don’t let the bad dinner guests take over.
Maybe at the beginning Guest 1 is there a lot sitting to your right, and you’ve got to make a point of inviting Guest 2 and make an effort to listen to her kind, encouraging words. Maybe with time, Guest 1 doesn’t show up as often and you and Guest 2 have a good old time together.
I have other guests, that I’m not too keen on, who sometimes show up. They are:
A voice who is constantly talking about bad news.
A voice who is defeated and long suffering
A voice who is freaked out and a real alarmist
A voice who is unworthy and undeserving
A voice who is really pissed off
A voice who is way too serious and without humour
A voice who gossips constantly, sticking her nose in other people’s business, judging them
I can’t really control when these voices show up or when something has set them off, but once I notice they are there, I can acknowledge them. I can show them love, and I can ask them to tone it down. Again, they have their role to play but they can’t be in charge. I am.
And I can invite my other voices to the table, these super duper dinner guests to balance things out. My super duper guests are these inner voices:
Voice of courage
Voice of compassion
Voice of guidance
Voice of humour
Voice of joy
Voice of gratitude
Who is coming to your dinner party?
Thanks for reading.
With love,
Maryse