Falisa Asberrry and I had a meaningful chat about what it is like to truly show up as a friend for yourself. Something had always been missing from our lives until we discovered that what was missing was a true friendship with ourselves. A true connection. We talked about the joy of being our authentic selves too. It’s a relief and a joy when you start showing up for yourself, and you start to accept yourself just as you are. You can watch our conversation as part of Falisa’s free summit series I am Who I am 2.0. There's a whole lineup of great speakers including myself. Click here: http:// https://iamwhoiamshow.com/maryse-cardin
I’m always saying to my clients that the goal is to speak to ourselves like a true friend would. But what does that really mean? I think one of the most important elements of a true friendship is the willingness to show up, and to be present. Here’s an example.
Late last spring, after months of intense lock down, I travelled to a little island to stay for two days with myself. I was truly excited to go, to have long hours to connect with myself uninterrupted. I stayed in a little cabin on the edge of the woods. I turned off all social media and email. It’s like I was going on a extended date and I was going to give myself my undivided attention.
At each moment on the island, I asked myself: what would you like to do right now? I’d just wait for an answer. Sometimes the answer was go for a hike in the rain, sit on a cliff, meditate by a tree, pick up a pizza (there was a great thin crust pizza joint in the village!), explore the garden, stretch, write in my journal, shred to pieces what I’d just written, have a bath, drink tea with a piece of chocolate, lie in the hammock and have a nap, dance. When no answer came, I just stayed where I was, being present. Sooner or later I’d let myself know what I desired next. I felt so seen those two days because I gave my full focus to myself.
I didn’t even want to read during this sojourn. I wanted the words inside me to be my words, and my feelings. It was an experiment for me. I had never done something like that before for so long. I had to built up to this of course. That two day date with myself was years in the making. If I had gone on such a getaway years before, I would have made sure that I had loads of stuff to keep myself entertained.
You may need to start building the relationship from scratch – I did. Friendships need to be built. They don't just show up ready made. I had spent the first part of my life never connecting with myself and making sure that I kept so busy or so intoxicated that I could ignore the voices that I had inside.
That would be like each time your friend came to speak to you, you turned on the TV, or you picked up a book to read or you drank two glasses of wine and started talking to someone else on the phone.
You first need an interest, and a willingness to show up and be present. And then in time it can turn into a real joy and excitement to be with yourself.
Those two days were a luxury, so much time and space to be with myself. Most days I take just a few minutes to connect, to show myself that I am present. I touch base with a little, how are you? Like I would with a friend. I put my hand on my heart for a deeper connection and to let myself know I am there.
Finding yourself is like finding an awesome new friend. You are truly the one you have been looking for all this time. A hole deep inside can only be filled by one person, and that’s you.
My self talk:
I am here for you.
I know you have been alone for a long time, but that changes right now.
I want to be close to you. I want to be friends.
I love you just the way you are. You don't have to do anything special for me to love you.
What do you need right now?
What do you want to do right now?
Thanks for reading!
With love,
Maryse